


Evil Eye You Say?

by Skeren



Category: Naruto
Genre: Crack, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-26
Updated: 2016-02-26
Packaged: 2018-05-23 10:19:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 887
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6113464
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Skeren/pseuds/Skeren
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Bloodlines of the world had to come from <i>somewhere.</i></p>
            </blockquote>





	Evil Eye You Say?

**Author's Note:**

> Written June 2012.

It was one of those days again. Sadly, those kind of days happened a lot, most especially since the humans had discovered how to harness their own personal energy and the Sage had decided to go help them. Sure, the Sage had the right to go to the land below, as all the gods did, but everyone knew once you went down you weren’t going to be let back up.

Just look at what happened when they let that jerk Jashin do it. He’d been bragging about his little minions ever since, and they’d learned that it was a really bad idea after that. Only Shinigami-sama was allowed because of how his powers worked. And Lady Luck. Man did she like to mess with the mortals a _lot..._ Okay, so perhaps a _few_ were allowed down when they felt like it.

The rest of them, however, were stuck up here, and they were all rather bored. And there had been drinking. 

The humans would learn to rue the fact that gods got bored just like the mortals under their dubious care. 

For instance, the Hyuuga clan and Uchiha clan would feud and ward off rumors about having ever had anything to do with one another for absolutely forever after one particular party among the gods. After all, the next group of small children in both clans would all would be born with eyes very different than those of their parents, and generations later people would assume this meant that the lines had crossed somewhere. Even though it really wasn’t true.

Not to say that the rest of the Elemental Nations would be left alone, but at least the other new ‘gifts’ were spread around a bit more. 

One had to keep in mind that Kami was, at heart, the adventurous sort, after all. The conversation started out with a bid for someone to feed this tendency. 

“Okay! So we’ve left the humans alone for a couple hundred years. Ideas?”

“But you only sent down the Bijuu thirty years ago!” This was from Fate, who was still irked at having to reweave around the new additions. She hated this game.

“Bah, those hardly count. That was like sending down new babies.”

“How do you know that the Sage won’t mess up anything you do this time anyway? He sent the Bijuu away from the humans last time.”

Kami was silent at this, contemplating a moment. “How did he do that anyway?”

Shinigami was the one who waved that down, having seen it first hand. The Bijuu had sort of been his fault anyway, having dared Kami to make something he couldn’t actually touch. He should have known better. “His eye thing. Down there it works a lot better than it did up here. It might be why he left.”

There was a lull, then Kami gave them all a bright smile. “Oh. Well in that case, what was that family the sea gods were so irked with?”

“Uzumaki, I think.”

“Right.” There was a moment of silent concentration, then Kami seemed rather satisfied. “Right. I gave his eye thing to that family. Shouldn’t pop up too often, but often enough to drive the Sage to distraction trying to work his plans around it.”

”Yes, because there so needs to be undisputed mortal gods down there. Something original!”

“Such as?”

“Oh, I don’t know. those humans have sayings like ‘looking right through you’ and ‘giving the evil eye’ right? So give a couple families abilities that do that. Oh! And make them creepy. Humans hate being reminded of blindness, and bleeding things, so add that in there somewhere.” Lady Luck was... much too enthusiastic about this. There were reasons she was always moved around carefully by the other gods, not the least of which being her fondness for human affectations.

“Evil Eye you say? Hmm. We’ll make that the bleedy one and the other one the blind looking one. Irony and all that.” Kami distributed the new additions, then turned to the others. “What else? Something not dealing with the eyes. I’m done messing with those now, be more creative!”

“Oh! Messing with the elements!”

“Don’t humans already have an idea how to do that?”

“No! Not like that! I meant in ways they can’t do. Like making it snow! Or growing trees! Or, you know!”

There was a pause as the sun god was stared at, then a snicker emerged from several of the gods at once. “Right, pick some clans and make them elementals. Got it. Oh! Make some into elements too, that should mess them up. Water is always good, and maybe something like super fire too. It’s only fair...”

“You’re all being so... flashy. Why not something simple? Like super powered berserkers? Maybe some kind of fancy fighters? You know, super healing, pulling bones out to use them as clubs? Practical things?”

After the war god stopped speaking there was a pause, the new changes being added to the list. From there, though, everything just degenerated. After all, this was _fun..._ and if they got carried away by just adding in random hair colors and body parts where they really shouldn’t be by the time they were done... well, that might have been the liquor’s fault.

It’s not like the humans would ever know anyway.


End file.
